Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
