meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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