haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
