I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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