It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
