Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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