operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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