Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
