Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
