drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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