ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
