His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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