omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
