I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
