i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
