no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
