My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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