Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
