im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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