they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The beer is more important than you right now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
