2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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