My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
