it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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