I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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