Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
