two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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