your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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