He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
