she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
