i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
