Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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