I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
