i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
