I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
