I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
