I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
