Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
