if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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