Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There r osticjed everywhere
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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