He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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