Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
