Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
