If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
