When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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