Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
