Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
