i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
