He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
