Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
