god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
