yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
