This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
