it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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