Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
