OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize