im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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