I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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