did you get engaged???
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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