Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
