I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
