He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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