he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
