I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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