Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
