I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
