okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
