I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
