Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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