tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize