Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
