well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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