Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
