Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
accomplished twins. life is a go
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
