Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
