Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
