I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
